The hand-me-downs nobody lists
Families pass down more than heirlooms: definitions of success, rules about emotion, scripts for conflict. You inherited an operating manual nobody admits exists.
How to spot inheritance
The tell is intensity. When your reaction is disproportionate to the event, you are usually running inherited logic — the event is a trigger; the fuel is generational.
Honor, then edit
Seeing a pattern’s origin isn’t blame — it is relief. Your grandmother’s scarcity made sense in her context. It doesn’t have to make sense in yours. Investigate it, thank it, edit it.
The One Action: Find one rule your family never says out loud but everyone follows. Ask where it came from.